Friday, March 4, 2011
Friendship Rules for Adults
As a child growing up, it always seemed to me that with age came wisdom. Well that may be true for certain things and certain people but I now know for a fact that some rules are not all inclusive. There are some things that some of us are still in the dark about...one of them..friendship! I am a little shocked at the number of adults I see that cannot maintain & cultivate friendships. So hence my inspiration for this article..tips for navigating adult friendships.
1. Accept your friends for who they are: Don't try and change them into what you want them to be. The key to understanding people is understanding who they are and choosing whether you want to stick around or not. This is especially true if the person doesn't want to change and is happy with who they are. Accept them or move on.
2. Jealousy: I have never understood jealousy! So this one is a tough one for me. But that dosent mean I havent seen it in play and it's always sad to see up close. I once knew a girl that was convinced every girl was out to get her man. I just wanted to tell her "girl please, nobody wants that man..he is all yours" Listen, jealousy is a terrible thing. Never be jealous of your friends. You never know what that person had to get through to get to where they are. Chances are if you are jealous, you need to change something within yourself and work towards whatever the other person has..that you want. Dont waste energy carrying negative emotions when you can use that energy to pursue what you really want.
3. Don't be territorial - This whole concept of controlling your friends is extremely wack. Your friends are individuals first and foremost, you cant dictate what they should or should not do..who they should or should not hang out with. Control is a very serious issue, and whenever you try and tighten the grip on your friends, you may end up pushing them away.
4. Have different friends for different occasions- I have a handful of close friends. And they all serve different purposes in my life. Some are great to travel with, some are not..some are great to give advice on finances and some spend money as if it's going out of style. You get my point here. Dont try and rely on one friend to give you all that you need. It's ok to have a few friends that fulfill your different sides and can nurture them as well.
5. Fight! It's ok to fight with you friends. I'm not talking about a physical fight, what I mean are verbal arguments and disagreements..within reason of course, it's also important not to cross the line and cause irreparable harm. After the fight though, it's extremely important to apologize and move on. I once witnessed a friend between friends that stemmed from an incident that happened years ago. Why bring up old issh? If this is a friendship that you want to maintain and foster, apologize and move on. Truly learn to let bygones be bygones.
So that's my list! Did I miss anything? Thoughts please??